Germany Teh Unicron
by RatRace
Summary: A collection of parodies of the works of SecretAgentBob with the many characters of Hetalia. YOU ARE THE BONANA KING, GERMANY.  Rated T for language - second chapter based off "President Taft's Pony Brigade". 'Nuff said.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: We disclaim this entire thing. Except for what we made up. Which isn't a lot. XD

Enjoy none-the-less.

Author: Ratrace

* * *

"Charlaaaayy, Charlaaaayyyyyyy!" Italy called, jumping excitedly up to Germany. Japan followed at a polite distance.

"… Why are you calling me Charlie? And why am I wearing this ridiculous t-shirt?" Germany asked, staring down at the bright white unicorn on his shirt.

"We gotta go!" Italy pleaded.

"We're burning this place down!" Japan said maliciously.

"Wait, what about all my dogs? And my brother?" Germany asked, slightly confused.

"Well obviously they're gonna burn a lot!" Italy said, narrowing his eyes to glare at Germany.

"That isn't very nice!" Japan said, cowering.

"Shut the hell up." Italy snapped.

"You shut the hellll up." Japan snapped back.

"No, YOU shut the hellllllllll up." Italy glared.

"Hey, why don't you both go and shut the hell up," Germany put in awkwardly.

"I'm not talking to you CHARLAAAY."

"Please stop calling me that." Germany sighed.

"RAINBOW BLAAAH." Japan cried, spitting a rainbow.

* * *

"HOLY CRAP, we're on a bridge!" Italy cried as they randomly appeared on a wooden bridge.

"Oh no, I'm falling I had so much to live for," Japan said in one consecutive breath as he jumped off the bridge.

"Well, that's tragic," Germany said uncertainly.

"Not as tragic as your face!" Italy snapped cruelly.

"Hey, that was uncalled for!" Germany lectured.

"Your face is uncalled for!" Italy cried.

"Hey guys," Japan said amiably, walking up.

"Where the hell you been?" Italy said, narrowing his eyes at Japan.

"Went to a convention, got a coffee." Japan said, shrugging.

"Man, I want some coffee." Italy said, with big doe eyes.

"Hey, I could really go for coffee," Germany said.

"Well you can't come, you son of a bitch." Italy threatened.

* * *

Three meters away from the bridge, they came upon a leopluradon.

"Oh look, it's that dinosaur punk," Italy pointed out.

"He owes me twenty bucks!" Japan cried angrily. "HEY LEO. LEO."

"Aruaruaruaruaruaru." China mumbled back.

"What the hell he say?" Japan asked.

"Man, I have no idea." Italy replied.

"Aruaruaruaru," China muttered, laying on a rock.

"WHERE'S MY MONEY, LEO." Japan screamed with rainbows leaking out of his nostrils.

"Aruaruaruaruaruaruaruaru." China yelled back.

"Oh crap, the fire's back." Italy said, clutching the raw pasta to his chest protectively.

"I WANT MY TWENTY BUCKS, LEO." Japan yelled again.

"Oh no, Leo's on fire." Italy sobbed.

"Aruaruaru," China said, secretly wondering why they were calling him Leo and why the hell he was on fire.

"Stop drop and rolllll, man." Italy called helpfully.

Germany watched sceptically.

* * *

"Well, here we are, in the middle of the dessert." Italy introduced, gesturing around.

"This is… Lovely…?" Germany questioned.

"Yeah, yeah, should be nice!" Italy cried, pointing dramatically up. "EXCEPT FOR THE DRAGGGOONNN." Japan gasped.

There was a silence, Japan and Italy frozen in place, arms raised in the air, mouths open in little 'o's. Germany looked awkwardly on.

"There was supposed to be a dragon," Italy said, breaking the silence.

"Oh." Germany said bluntly.

"Man, we put a deposit down and EVERYTHING." Japan cried.

"Yeah, well, you know. There's no dragon." Germany said even more bluntly than his last comment.

"Well, I can see that, OBVIOUSLY." Italy snapped, glowering at Germany before turning to smile brightly at Japan.

There was loud thump as Russia and Belarus fell out of the sky, Belarus hugging Russia tightly as Russia was knocked out. Or pretending to be.

"Oh my god, that scared the crap out of me," Italy cried, clutching his heart in mock-dramatics.

"So there's the dragon." Japan introduced.

"Yep?" Germany said, looking at Russia and Belarus…?

"Behold the horror." Italy sad solemnly.

"That is pretty frightening," Germany said, deciding just to go along if they would just leave him alone soon.

"I'm hungry, let's find a McDonalds," Japan said casually, walking away with Italy.

END.

* * *

A/N

Hahaha, we have more.

Co-authored by (mostly) Prissy and (sort of) Kat.

And pretty much all the dialogue copyright SecretAgentBob on Youtube. If you don't know him, you live under a rock. A rock with surprisingly good Internet service, if you happen to be reading this.


	2. Chapter 2

Dude, I don't own this stuff. If you think I do, you are dilusional, friend.

* * *

Poland's Secret Pony Brigade

* * *

"Like, good morning, ponies!" Poland greeted the small herd of four-legged beasts cheerfully. The herd replied with a monotone "nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

"How is everyone feeling today?"

There were a few scattered "mehs" from the ponies in response.

"Well then, shall we, like, begin today's training?" Poland offered.

The ponies all looked away cautiously, avoiding eye-contact with their owner.

"Aw, like, come on ponies. We haven't trained all week." He whined. "I'm starting to think you guys totally don't want to, like, beat Germany at all."

There was a single "nahhh" of agreement from the far reaches of the herd.

"Like, who was that? Like, Ponyta, was that you?" Poland said accusatorily.

He sought out Ponyta, shock registering on his face. "Oh my God Ponyta, are those tattoos?"

Ponyta gave the equivalent of a shrug with a uncaring "nahhhh."

"Ponytaaaaaa, people don't, like, take this seriously enough as it, like, is." Poland pouted, crossing his arms in a huff of annoyance. "You're totally not helping."

"Nahhhhh."

"Is that a tongue ring?" Poland glared. "You're just trying to make me angry. Like, seriously."

"Mahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

"You're like, the WORST pony ever. I totally hate you."

From aside came an argumentative "nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh", from two othe ponies.

Poland followed the 'nay's, to find two of the ponies in an intense pony-argument. "Like, come on ponies, break it up."

"NAHHHHHH."

"Aw come on, what's, like, gotten into you guys?"

"Nahhhhhhh," Ponyta said loudly.

"Shut up, Ponyta, this totally doesn't concern you." Poland cried over his shoulder. "Aw, maybe, like, England and France were right; Maybe a pony brigade wasn't a good idea."

"." All the ponies replied with frowns.

"Well, I'm sorry, but that's totally how I feel! This is all totally stupid!" Poland cried.

"…. Nahh?" one of the ponies nearest said.

"Aww, I'm like, sorry ponies, you know I didn't like, mean that. I totally love each and every one of you. Except PONYTA. Who's a RIDICULOUS PONY."

"Nahhhhhhhhhh."

"Oh my God, I hate you so much Ponyta."

* * *

A/N: Hey cool kids on yonder internet. Kat here with yet another SecretAgentBob parody, this time "President Taft's Secret Pony Brigade".

This was all me, since Similar was at school /: whereas I am here, at home, with a bad(ass?) cold.

Anyhooo, enjoy xD


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